How to Pass on Hispanic Heritage as an Expat

What is life like as a Latino Dad in Poland, where you’re the only foreigner in your little town?  How to pass on Hispanic heritage to your kids? What are the principal differences between parenting in Mexico and Poland?

How to Pass on Hispanic Heritage to Children

An interview with a Mexican Dad living in Poland

Antonio lives in Koło (Poland) with his Polish wife and their two children aged three and five.  Here, he talks about culture, identity, bilingualism, huge piñatas and little joys in his family life.

 

How long have you been living in Poland, Antonio?

I first came to Poland fifteen years ago to do an internship in Gdańsk. I really liked it, but at the same time many things in Poland were surprising for me…maybe it was not a cultural shock, but simply a lack of knowledge about the country. I have never learned about Poland back in Mexico. I think that in Latin America we need much more education to learn about other countries and cultures. I came to Poland and I had no idea what to expect from that country; however, I liked it and I thought of visiting Poland again one day. So, when I came back to Mexico, I started to search for another internship or a job online, but nothing came up.

You see, Poland is a great country to live in. You have everything: culture, cities, mountains, beautiful beaches..and at the same time, people in Poland are kind, modest and humble. You see, for me each country has its own personality. For example, Germany seems an old person to me. An old person who has money, experience, traditions and who thinks they are always right. Poland is a farmer, a simple and modest person who works every day and who enjoys the fruit of their labour. People in Poland work very hard. They don’t complain; they simply do things that need to be done.  I like this attitude. My wife, Kinga,  is a hard-working person, who knows how to reach her goals and who never gives up.

How did you meet your wife? 

Actually, I first met her when I came to Poland 15 years ago. She was the head of the department where I had my internship; practically, my boss. Our friends often joke that she’s still my boss at home!

Back then, 15 years ago, I had a girlfriend; she had a boyfriend, too. We were just colleagues. Then, as I told you before, my internship was over, I was trying to find another one, but there was no luck. One or two years later, I  got a job in France instead. I still kept in touch with Kinga and my Polish friends and I decided to spend a holiday in Poland with them. We were both single back then….we spent a wonderful holiday together…and I didn’t really want to leave Poland! Kinga told me that I was crazy, that Poland was not like France and that I wouldn’t find a well-paid job in a small town where she lived. But do you know what? I found out there was a French company about 5 minutes from her house….the house where we live today. I called them and arranged an interview. It turned out that the company was closing their offices in France and opened that office in Poland…and they needed French-speaking staff urgently! I still remember that I had that interview on Thursday. They told me that I was starting the next Monday!

Kinga asked me how much money they had offered me. I said that 1500.

– 1500 pln? I told you…that’s the way things are in Poland….it’s hard to get a well-paid job…. she said.

– No, honey. 1500 euros and a 4-year  contract!  – I answered.

It was unbelievable for her. How can a company in a little town in the middle of nowhere offer such a good salary? Well, long story short, I worked for the next four years and then I set up my own business teaching Spanish online. We got married. We had our first son Francisco, who’s going to turn five years old in October and then our daughter, Cristina, who’s three years old.  And so we live here, we raise our children, and we enjoy our family life.

What are the differences between raising children in Poland and in Mexico?

Well, I think that it depends on each person. Even in the same country, two people can raise their children in totally different ways. The way you parent depends on your personality, your choices, your decisions…not the place where you were born.

What is more, the times are changing. My parents raised me many years ago when there was no Internet and no facilities that we have today. In my parents’ times la mano era la ley; the law of the hand was in force in our house. You see, I have four siblings; my parents had to control five kids! They were definitely strict with us. Other than that, there were not many parenting theories in the house….

When I asked my mum how she had managed to raise five kids, she told me: Antonio, parents can raise one child. If there are two children, they feel a little overwhelmed. But if there are three, four, five kids…basically they raise themselves. So true! I like to invite my children’s friends for play dates, because when there are a lot of children, they always play together and solve problems on their own. Adults don’t need to interfere. And when there is just one or two kids, they often fight. They are bored. They compete for parental attention. Maybe it’s something I learned in Mexico: children need their peers’ company. Children are happy in a group, where they can interact and solve problems on their own.

Another thing that’s very common in Mexico: parents are very protective of their children. I would say overprotective at times. For example, yesterday we went to my in-laws’ house. My daughter saw a kitten who was hiding behind a rose bush and she immediately ran to cuddle the kitten I was really scared that she might fall over the bush and hurt herself with the thorns. Even worse, that the cat might bite her! I wanted to stop her, but my wife told me to leave my daughter alone. My daughter carefully came up to the bush and took the kitten in her arms.

I think that I need to trust my children more. You need to protect your children, but to a certain point….you should also allow them to learn from their own experience. If they never fall from a bike, they won’t learn how to ride a bike carefully.  If you always try to save your children from any possible danger, they won’t learn to take care of themselves. They will be scared of making their own decisions.

What else? A very delicate topic: la mano, the hand. Spanking. In Mexico, we had dogs at home and we trained them to be obedient. When a dog misbehaves, you need to teach him that it’s wrong so that he won’t make that mistake. And how do they learn best? With a light smack on the bottom.

Little children are the same. Sometimes they understand a smack on the bottom better than words. If you smack a child right after they misbehave, they won’t misbehave again. After that we talk a lot and I explain to them why their behaviour was wrong.

My wife agrees that sometimes smacking is necessary, but she tells me to be careful because people in Poland do not approve spanking. That’s why you shouldn’t smack your children in public. I don’t understand that. Occasional spanking has nothing to do with maltreating a child. In Mexico I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have been spanked as a child; it’s a part of a happy, respectful child-parent relationship.

I want my children to listen to me and to respect me. My parents were always in control of us. We were obedient; we did what we were told. I don’t feel that I’m in control of my children. They don’t always listen to me. I don’t like it when my children yell at each other, or when they disobey me; I feel that as a parent I shouldn’t approve such behaviour. It comes as a cultural shock for me that parents in Poland allow such behaviour and criticize spanking.

However, I appreciate that my wife has a lot of empathy with our children. She talks a lot with them, she negotiates, she tries to understand their point of view. If my son doesn’t want to put on his blue shoes, she will try to find out why and she will ask him to put on another pair of shoes. I’m not that patient. If I was in a rush, I would probably tell him to put on blue shoes anyway and leave the house immediately. I’m the parent and I’m in charge, right?

I guess that it’s not easy  to raise children so far away from your home country and your family. What do you do to keep Mexican culture alive at home? How do you pass on Hispanic heritage to your kids?

Well, I lived alone since I was seventeen years old. I guess I’m not a family person; it was not hard for me to move abroad and get used to the fact that I’ll only see my parents once a year or even less often.

In fact, I think that every young adult should live alone for some time. It allows you to think for yourself. In fact, my wife and I create our own family culture. I call or skype my parents twice or three times a week, but sometimes only every two weeks and I’m totally fine with that.

For me, it’s people who create the culture. The people ARE the culture and you can’t raise children in Mexican culture without any Mexicans around. Right, they speak to their grandparents a few times a week, sometimes we hang out with you and other Latino families, but it’s not my children’s everyday life. My children feel Polish, not Mexicans; they go to Polish day care, they have Polish friends and extended family. They live in Polish society.

Well, we love Mexican food and we often have things like tacos, tortillas, and quesadillas at home. My children are picky eaters; my daughter will eat a tortilla, but with no filling. My son has only started recently to try different Mexican sauces. They are small, it’s normal that they will get more excited with a Kinder egg than with enchilada sauce. It’s absolutely fine.

Do you read books in Spanish to your children? 

Honestly, not much; they are young and don’t pay much attention to books. I prefer to search for short stories on the Internet and I tell the stories to my children when we walk in the park in the afternoon. I try to make the stories fun and engaging for the kids; they ask questions, they giggle a lot and they learn Spanish in a playful way. I use the stories to teach them colours, numbers and names of animals in Spanish.

When I talk to my children in Spanish, they normally answer in Polish; I don’t “force” them to speak Spanish. My wife thinks I should be more strict about it because they won’t learn Spanish properly if they get used to speaking Polish with me. But I think that learning a language should not be a chore. They understand me and it’s the most important.

Do you cultivate Latin traditions at home? 

Our favourite Latin tradition is definitely la piñata. My wife is very crafty; she makes beautiful piñatas at home. In the beginning, it took her one or two weeks to make a piñata; now just one or two days. Our children’s friends love piñatas and in that way, they learn about Latin culture. Nowadays we always make one piñata for their birthday party at home and we take another one to day care. Piñatas are great!

 

 

Have you visited Mexico with your children? 

Yes, we’ve been to Mexico twice, but these were only 2-3 weeks trips. My children loved to hang out with my family, but I don’t think that a two weeks’ holiday is enough to truly get to know the culture.

When we first went to Mexico with our older son, he was 2 years old and I could see a huge difference between him and local children. You see, kids in Mexico stay at home with their mums till they are 2 or 3 years old.  On the contrary, many children in Poland go to nursery. I was really concerned when my son went to nursery at the age of 9 months; I felt it was too early. But when I saw how happy he was among other children, how much he learned, how independent he became….I let my fear go.

At the beach in Mexico my son made friends with other children immediately. He shared his toys and snacks. The local children were more shy. They stayed with their mums all the time. I could see how much the nursery and interaction with other kids helped my son to develop his social skills.

What values would you like to teach to your children? 

I would like them to develop their identity not in the country they are from, but within themselves. It’s not where you come from that defines who you are. It lies in you. It’s all about your personality, beliefs, and dreams.

I’m not going to tell them that life in Mexico is better or worse than in Poland. It’s up to them to go to Mexico and discover the country on their own. I want them to listen to their own inner voice and decide where they want to live.

I want them to respect others. I think that respect for your parents is the right base to respect teachers and authorities in the future. To know what’s right and wrong.

Finally, I want them to study and read books for themselves. To find what motivates them and follow their passions. This is why I don’t force them to study Spanish, to read books or follow any extracurricular activities. Now they need to enjoy their childhood. Play is a very important stage. If we don’t let children play, if we force them to act like adults too early, at some point in their life they will regret it. They might avoid responsibilities, trying to “escape” from adulthood that started too early.

As I told you before, raising a child between two cultures implies that you do not stick to any of those cultures. You choose things that work for you and you create your own culture.

I can’t tell you that I’m raising future Poles or Mexicans. I want to raise adults who will be able to create – and fully accept – their own identity.

We are so excited for our FIFTH annual Hispanic Heritage Month series and giveaway!  Through the month (September 15 – October 15), you’ll find great resources to share Hispanic Heritage with kids, plus you can enter to win in our great giveaway and link up your own posts on Hispanic Heritage!

September 14
Hanna Cheda on Multicultural Kid Blogs: How to Pass on Hispanic Heritage as an Expat

September 15
Spanish Mama

September 16
Hispanic Mama

September 19
Spanish Playground

September 20
Tiny Tapping Toes

September 21
Kid World Citizen on Multicultural Kid Blogs

September 22
Spanish Mama

September 23
All Done Monkey

September 26
Crafty Moms Share

September 27
Discovering the World Through My Son’s Eyes

September 28
La Clase de Sra. DuFault

September 29
Embracing Diversity

September 30
Mama Tortuga

October 3
Hispanic Mama on Multicultural Kid Blogs

October 4
La Clase de Sra. DuFault

October 5
Pura Vida Moms

October 7
Spanglish House

October 10
Mundo Lanugo

October 11
Kid World Citizen

October 12
MommyMaestra

October 13
inspired by familia

October 14
El Mundo de Pepita on Multicultural Kid Blogs

Don’t miss all of the great posts from previous years as well: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015

Hispanic Heritage Month Giveaway!

Giveaway begins Monday, September 14 and goes through October 14, 2016.

Enter below for a chance to win one of these amazing prize packages! Some prizes have shipping restrictions. In the event that a winner lives outside the designated shipping area, that prize will then become part of the following prize package. For more information, read our full giveaway rules.

Grand Prize

Month of free access to online Spanish home learning program from Calico Spanish
If You Were Me and Lived in… series, Peru, Mexico, Brazil, and Portugal books from Carole P. Roman US Shipping Only

Spark important conversations about diversity, inclusivity and acceptance with award-winning Barefoot Books! Collection includes Barefoot Books World Atlas, The Barefoot Book of Children, Children of the World Memory Game, The Great Race, Mama Panya’s Pancakes, Off We Go to Mexico, Up and Down the Andes, We all Went on Safari, We’re Sailing Down the Nile, We’re Sailing to Galapagos US & Canada Shipping OnlyAquí Allá CD from Lucky Diaz and the Family Jam Band US Shipping Only
Animales CD from 123 Andrew US Shipping Only
Best of the Bowl CD from Hot Peas ‘N Butter US Shipping Only
Juana and Lucas by Juana Medina (hard cover), El fútbol me hace feliz by Maribeth Boelts and illustrated by Lauren Castillo (paperback), Blankie/Mantita by Leslie Patricelli (board book) from Candlewick Press US & Canada Shipping Only
A Child’s Life in the Andes e-book plus music CD from Daria Music
Hola Hello CD with lyrics in digital format from Mariana Iranzi
T-shirt of choice (or equal value $18) from Ellie Elote US Shipping Only
Scarves, coin purse and painted wood bracelets from Nicaragua, and a map puzzle of Central America from Spanish Playground US Shipping Only
Latin GRAMMY-winning album Los Animales from Mister G US Shipping Only

First Prize

If You Were Me and Lived in… series, Peru, Mexico, Brazil, and Portugal books from Carole P. Roman US Shipping Only
Aquí Allá CD from Lucky Diaz and the Family Jam Band US Shipping Only
Animales CD from 123 Andrew US Shipping Only
Best of the Bowl CD from Hot Peas ‘N Butter US Shipping Only
Juana and Lucas by Juana Medina (hard cover), El fútbol me hace feliz by Maribeth Boelts and illustrated by Lauren Castillo (paperback), Blankie/Mantita by Leslie Patricelli (board book) from Candlewick Press US & Canada Shipping Only
Hola Hello CD with lyrics in digital format from Mariana Iranzi
T-shirt of choice (or equal value $18) from Ellie Elote US Shipping Only
Scarves, coin purse and painted wood bracelets from Nicaragua, and a map puzzle of Central America from Spanish Playground US Shipping Only
Olinguito, from A to Z! (bilingual) by Lulu Delacre, Rafi and Rosi by Lulu Delacre, Mamá the Alien (bilingual) y René Colato Laínez and illustrated by Laura Lacámara, Marisol MacDonald and the Monster (bilingual) by Monica Brown from Lee & Low Books US Shipping Only
Ecuador Themed International Cooking Box from Global Gastronauts US Shipping Only
Ora de Despertar Ladino Children’s Music CD from Sarah Aroeste Hard copy if US winner; digital if international winner
T-shirt of choice from Mundo Lanugo US Shipping Only
Latin GRAMMY-winning album Los Animales from Mister G US Shipping Only

Second Prize

If You Were Me and Lived in… series, Peru, Mexico, Brazil, and Portugal books from Carole P. Roman US Shipping Only
Aquí Allá CD from Lucky Diaz and the Family Jam Band US Shipping Only
Animales CD from 123 Andrew US Shipping Only
Best of the Bowl CD from Hot Peas ‘N Butter US Shipping Only
Juana and Lucas by Juana Medina (hard cover), El fútbol me hace feliz by Maribeth Boelts and illustrated by Lauren Castillo (paperback), Blankie/Mantita by Leslie Patricelli (board book) from Candlewick Press US & Canada Shipping Only
Hola Hello CD with lyrics in digital format from Mariana Iranzi
T-shirt of choice (or equal value $18) from Ellie Elote US Shipping Only
Scarves, coin purse and painted wood bracelets from Nicaragua, and a map puzzle of Central America from Spanish Playground US Shipping Only
Culture Chest with Hispanic themed books from Culture Chest US Shipping Only
Spanish Alphabet Print (US Shipping Only) and single-use promo code for Spanish for kids language app from Gus on the Go
Latin GRAMMY-winning album Los Animales from Mister G US Shipping Only

a Rafflecopter giveaway